12 Tips on creating REAL change WITHOUT willpower!
12 Tips on how to make REAL change WITHOUT willpower!
So you're not happy with how things are..
Will power hasn't worked, and either did flogging yourself...
Ready for some tools that can help you make real, lasting change?
The hard truth is any attempt at change will be likely pushing sh!t uphill after that first few days until we fundamentally change who we believe ourselves to be.....
If we tell ourselves we are happy and free but don't identify as that, our stories have us believing differently we won't ever feel that way, no matter how much lip service we give it until we transform those stories and create who we are without them.
So how do we make real change, even when we don't think it's possible?
Check out my list below to start the process of change from the core. We need to start to understand what do you really want and seek out and work through all that stands in the way.
1. KNOW YOUR VALUES/ WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.
What do you value? Your values should be driving all your decisions. Is this in alignment with what is important to me? List them, have it somewhere you see them consult your list when making a decision. There are the big ones, family, abundance, health, career, personal work but can you get more specific. What is important to you when it comes to Family? Is it authentic connection, is it time, is it honesty? You can download my printable Creating Change here. You can also access a list of values over here.. I have no affiliation, I just like the list to look through.
2. KNOW YOUR REASONS WHY
You may hate where you are now right now, you might really want to change but we know it can be hard. Have your WHY's handy. Again make a list! What are you why's for your goals with family? With your health? Do you want to be able to play with the kids, be able to afford that holiday, get through a day without a flashback throwing you off course? No matter what your WHY is, list them all down under each heading. This is included in the Creating Change Download.
3. WHAT DO YOU WANT? DEFINE SUCCESS
Take some time to figure out what you do want.. Take a look at your values, does that help you define what is it that you actually want to have in life? What do you enjoy?
Then take as much time to figure out what stands in the way.. How? you can start with a SWOT analysis (yep they aren't just for work). What are you Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats? Do you know what is standing between you and your health goals? What are your beliefs about money? Is it only for "those" people? Look at the internal and external things that are stopping you from moving forward. Write about the details of what life would look like when you have bought all of these aspects into your life.
LISTS are important ...start tapping on what is in the way.
4. WRITE YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT
How do you sum up all that you want to work towards? Why am I here? What do I want to be known for? What impact do I want to have on others, the world? Consider your list of Why's and your goals. Sum up what your success looks like. Write it up, keep it short and print it out and put it somewhere where you will see it everyday to remind you. My example is in the Creating Change supporting download.
5. BE CAREFUL OF YOUR 'SHOULDS'
What is on your SHOULD list? I should.... be less needy, less emotional... work harder...Are these helpful or a hindrance? If you change the word should to could does it change how you feel about it? Make sure your goals are your goals, not a list of things you've been told you need to improve to make other people comfortable. Be you, emotional, loud you and take up space!
6. UNDERSTAND YOUR 'UNHELPFUL' BELIEFS
I'm too much, I can't trust.., I'm a burden, men don't respect women... I can't change... Again make a list of the unhelpful beliefs you have, then also list your evidence as to why that is true... 'that one time when...'. Get tapping on clearing those events, the earlier, the more powerful, that created those beliefs and hold you back from what you want. Be careful here and always take responsibility for your own health and well-being. Some of these will be best done with an experienced Certified Practitioner to help hold you through it.
7. RECOGNISE YOUR INNER CRITIC
Is your internal voice confirming your unhelpful beliefs? Holding you back? Time to listen to that voice and ask why they say what they say... what gives that voice credibility, tap through your evidence that it's true about you. Again a Certified Practitioner may be helpful to identify and help you through these. Working through these and your unhelpful beliefs helps drive alignment between what you say in your head and what your feel in your heart. Studies show this is so important and it makes sense that all of you is onboard to welcome in the new way. If a part of you doesn't believe you are worthy or deserving etc.. it's alot less likely to transpire. We are changing the internal landscape which will have an affect on the external landscape of your life.... and who wouldn't want to clean up that voice in your heard having a go at you every day.. it's exhausting.
8. IDENTIFY YOUR FEAR AND SHAME PITS
Start with the statement... "I don't want to be perceived to be...." and make a list. You may find some of them even contradict each other. Part of me was afraid of being judged for being overweight and part of me didn't want to be the skinny girl because in my experience they were sharp and nasty and I couldn't be like that either. So my identity involved someone where in between and being stuck there till I worked through it. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, 'fat' or 'skinny' so I'd constantly yoyo. Fear and shame keep us stuck but shame doesn't survive when you bring it into the light. Once you have your list, yep you guessed it... get tapping to clear those big feelings and probaly false beliefs about yourself creating your identity. You may need a practitioner to hold space for your shame, we will avoid it like the plague when we are doing our self work because it often makes us want to run away, turn away or hide under something. The other questions to ask is 'what am I afraid of?' and notice what comes up. You can tap through the future events, your anticipation.
9. UNDERSTAND YOUR BENEFITS FOR STAYING WHERE YOU ARE
The reality is that we are capable of HATING some aspect of our lives and can be also in some way benefiting from it or scared to let to it go. It's a rough spot. Consider the emotional eater who hates the binges but desperately needs them to help them relax and cope. Imagine a set of old scales the ones that balance out. Whilst the gain/benefit from what we are doing outweighs the pain, we aren't going to change. The scales won't tip. So how do we identify the benefits when your saying but Katie I don't want to be this way, I hate it, I want to change, I'd never choose this! EFT Tapping can help us to tune into all that is sitting under the surface, making statements like, I can't let this go because... I can't change because.... You will be suprised at what surfaces. I couldn't let my own emotional eating go because I needed it to cope. The benefit to that coping mechanism outweighed the pain that came with being overweight. Tapping allowed me to clear the belief that food was the only thing that could help me cope. Yep it meant digging through why I believed food was the only thing that could help, but even as a practitioner I had to clear my subconscious belief it was the only option and rewire my brain to let it know, yes there are other options.... like tapping, talking to loved ones, going for a walk, listening to music. My brain was so wired to turn to food, so EFT Tapping helped break that connection. Working through our reasons why we can't change and then our resistence to change is powerful work.
10. VOICE RECORD YOURSELF
Write down and then voice record yourself saying all the things you do want as if you have them and are doing them right now. Listen first thing in morning and last thing at night. Really embody what you are saying, feel into what it would be like to have/ be those things. Really fantasize about the details of what it would look like. This isn't just a lip service. Say them with GRATITUDE as if you already have them. Remember we want our heart and mind energy to be in alignment. If out heart believes we aren't free and we listen to our voice/mind saying I am free now, it's going to be less effective. Allow yourself to feel what being free is like for you as your listening. Hearing it in your voice is powerful in coming up against the critical voice but it is critical that you also tap through the negatives that come up or it's just lip service. TAP while you listen to it too! Any smart phone has a voice recording app.
11. TRACK YOUR PROGRESS
Paper, excel, google sheets, to do apps.. find a way to track all the little things you want to do everyday. Drink water, tap, play your voice recording...yes another list.. but it helps keep you accountable. Put a reminder in your diary to check in as often as you need to? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? So where do I track? Again no affiliation but I paid for this one. I copied the sheet and made multiple tabs to use for different things.
12. DO THE WORK
There will be stories in there both "big" and "small" that you will probably need a hand with, to go through thoroughly to clear the intensity and the perceptions about ourselves and our life that we gleaned from them. Our stories can create our identity, even when we don't like them and don't want them to. In my experience shifting the stories of those identity creating events can be the most powerful transformers however also the hardest to shift without help. We need someone we feel safe with to help shift the identity pieces that hold us back.
When 95% of what we do is subconscious, thinking, habits and patterns that we learned to help us survive as kids, we need to go in and clean up and update the subconscious thinking, habits and identity. My iOSKatie update is up to something like... 11.5.9.6.82.
This will help us create real change for ourselves as we clear the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, it creates space for us to create the life and identity we do want. We aren't using willpower to overide we are re-writing the internal script.
I'd be honoured to help you on your journey and to answer any questions. You can check out what it's like to work with me in the video below.
You can download the supporting worksheets over here!
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In the spirit of reconciliation Awaken Freedom acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.
12 Tips on how to make REAL change WITHOUT willpower!
So you're not happy with how things are..
Will power hasn't worked, and either did flogging yourself...
Ready for some tools that can help you make real, lasting change?
The hard truth is any attempt at change will be likely pushing sh!t uphill after that first few days until we fundamentally change who we believe ourselves to be.....
If we tell ourselves we are happy and free but don't identify as that, our stories have us believing differently we won't ever feel that way, no matter how much lip service we give it until we transform those stories and create who we are without them.
So how do we make real change, even when we don't think it's possible?
Check out my list below to start the process of change from the core. We need to start to understand what do you really want and seek out and work through all that stands in the way.
1. KNOW YOUR VALUES/ WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.
What do you value? Your values should be driving all your decisions. Is this in alignment with what is important to me? List them, have it somewhere you see them consult your list when making a decision. There are the big ones, family, abundance, health, career, personal work but can you get more specific. What is important to you when it comes to Family? Is it authentic connection, is it time, is it honesty? You can download my printable Creating Change here. You can also access a list of values over here.. I have no affiliation, I just like the list to look through.
2. KNOW YOUR REASONS WHY
You may hate where you are now right now, you might really want to change but we know it can be hard. Have your WHY's handy. Again make a list! What are you why's for your goals with family? With your health? Do you want to be able to play with the kids, be able to afford that holiday, get through a day without a flashback throwing you off course? No matter what your WHY is, list them all down under each heading. This is included in the Creating Change Download.
3. WHAT DO YOU WANT? DEFINE SUCCESS
Take some time to figure out what you do want.. Take a look at your values, does that help you define what is it that you actually want to have in life? What do you enjoy?
Then take as much time to figure out what stands in the way.. How? you can start with a SWOT analysis (yep they aren't just for work). What are you Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats? Do you know what is standing between you and your health goals? What are your beliefs about money? Is it only for "those" people? Look at the internal and external things that are stopping you from moving forward. Write about the details of what life would look like when you have bought all of these aspects into your life.
LISTS are important ...start tapping on what is in the way.
4. WRITE YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT
How do you sum up all that you want to work towards? Why am I here? What do I want to be known for? What impact do I want to have on others, the world? Consider your list of Why's and your goals. Sum up what your success looks like. Write it up, keep it short and print it out and put it somewhere where you will see it everyday to remind you. My example is in the Creating Change supporting download.
5. BE CAREFUL OF YOUR 'SHOULDS'
What is on your SHOULD list? I should.... be less needy, less emotional... work harder...Are these helpful or a hindrance? If you change the word should to could does it change how you feel about it? Make sure your goals are your goals, not a list of things you've been told you need to improve to make other people comfortable. Be you, emotional, loud you and take up space!
6. UNDERSTAND YOUR 'UNHELPFUL' BELIEFS
I'm too much, I can't trust.., I'm a burden, men don't respect women... I can't change... Again make a list of the unhelpful beliefs you have, then also list your evidence as to why that is true... 'that one time when...'. Get tapping on clearing those events, the earlier, the more powerful, that created those beliefs and hold you back from what you want. Be careful here and always take responsibility for your own health and well-being. Some of these will be best done with an experienced Certified Practitioner to help hold you through it.
7. RECOGNISE YOUR INNER CRITIC
Is your internal voice confirming your unhelpful beliefs? Holding you back? Time to listen to that voice and ask why they say what they say... what gives that voice credibility, tap through your evidence that it's true about you. Again a Certified Practitioner may be helpful to identify and help you through these. Working through these and your unhelpful beliefs helps drive alignment between what you say in your head and what your feel in your heart. Studies show this is so important and it makes sense that all of you is onboard to welcome in the new way. If a part of you doesn't believe you are worthy or deserving etc.. it's alot less likely to transpire. We are changing the internal landscape which will have an affect on the external landscape of your life.... and who wouldn't want to clean up that voice in your heard having a go at you every day.. it's exhausting.
8. IDENTIFY YOUR FEAR AND SHAME PITS
Start with the statement... "I don't want to be perceived to be...." and make a list. You may find some of them even contradict each other. Part of me was afraid of being judged for being overweight and part of me didn't want to be the skinny girl because in my experience they were sharp and nasty and I couldn't be like that either. So my identity involved someone where in between and being stuck there till I worked through it. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, 'fat' or 'skinny' so I'd constantly yoyo. Fear and shame keep us stuck but shame doesn't survive when you bring it into the light. Once you have your list, yep you guessed it... get tapping to clear those big feelings and probaly false beliefs about yourself creating your identity. You may need a practitioner to hold space for your shame, we will avoid it like the plague when we are doing our self work because it often makes us want to run away, turn away or hide under something. The other questions to ask is 'what am I afraid of?' and notice what comes up. You can tap through the future events, your anticipation.
9. UNDERSTAND YOUR BENEFITS FOR STAYING WHERE YOU ARE
The reality is that we are capable of HATING some aspect of our lives and can be also in some way benefiting from it or scared to let to it go. It's a rough spot. Consider the emotional eater who hates the binges but desperately needs them to help them relax and cope. Imagine a set of old scales the ones that balance out. Whilst the gain/benefit from what we are doing outweighs the pain, we aren't going to change. The scales won't tip. So how do we identify the benefits when your saying but Katie I don't want to be this way, I hate it, I want to change, I'd never choose this! EFT Tapping can help us to tune into all that is sitting under the surface, making statements like, I can't let this go because... I can't change because.... You will be suprised at what surfaces. I couldn't let my own emotional eating go because I needed it to cope. The benefit to that coping mechanism outweighed the pain that came with being overweight. Tapping allowed me to clear the belief that food was the only thing that could help me cope. Yep it meant digging through why I believed food was the only thing that could help, but even as a practitioner I had to clear my subconscious belief it was the only option and rewire my brain to let it know, yes there are other options.... like tapping, talking to loved ones, going for a walk, listening to music. My brain was so wired to turn to food, so EFT Tapping helped break that connection. Working through our reasons why we can't change and then our resistence to change is powerful work.
10. VOICE RECORD YOURSELF
Write down and then voice record yourself saying all the things you do want as if you have them and are doing them right now. Listen first thing in morning and last thing at night. Really embody what you are saying, feel into what it would be like to have/ be those things. Really fantasize about the details of what it would look like. This isn't just a lip service. Say them with GRATITUDE as if you already have them. Remember we want our heart and mind energy to be in alignment. If out heart believes we aren't free and we listen to our voice/mind saying I am free now, it's going to be less effective. Allow yourself to feel what being free is like for you as your listening. Hearing it in your voice is powerful in coming up against the critical voice but it is critical that you also tap through the negatives that come up or it's just lip service. TAP while you listen to it too! Any smart phone has a voice recording app.
11. TRACK YOUR PROGRESS
Paper, excel, google sheets, to do apps.. find a way to track all the little things you want to do everyday. Drink water, tap, play your voice recording...yes another list.. but it helps keep you accountable. Put a reminder in your diary to check in as often as you need to? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? So where do I track? Again no affiliation but I paid for this one. I copied the sheet and made multiple tabs to use for different things.
12. DO THE WORK
There will be stories in there both "big" and "small" that you will probably need a hand with, to go through thoroughly to clear the intensity and the perceptions about ourselves and our life that we gleaned from them. Our stories can create our identity, even when we don't like them and don't want them to. In my experience shifting the stories of those identity creating events can be the most powerful transformers however also the hardest to shift without help. We need someone we feel safe with to help shift the identity pieces that hold us back.
When 95% of what we do is subconscious, thinking, habits and patterns that we learned to help us survive as kids, we need to go in and clean up and update the subconscious thinking, habits and identity. My iOSKatie update is up to something like... 11.5.9.6.82.
This will help us create real change for ourselves as we clear the negative beliefs we have about ourselves, it creates space for us to create the life and identity we do want. We aren't using willpower to overide we are re-writing the internal script.
I'd be honoured to help you on your journey and to answer any questions. You can check out what it's like to work with me in the video below.
You can download the supporting worksheets over here!